Date: 2009-09-20 22:31 Subject: Happy Birthday Mam Security: Public Tags: birthday

My mam should have been 61 today.

Date: 2009-09-20 12:23 Subject: Soundtrack of my life Security: Public Mood: blah Music: Eddie Vedder - Into the wild soundtrack Tags: life, music, soundtrack

If your life was a movie, what would the soundtrack be?
So, here's how it works:
1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod etc.)
2. Put in on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next botton
6. Don't lie and try to pretend you're cool

Tags anyone who wants to do it!:)

Waking Up: Ryan Adams - Come pick me up

First Day At School: G'n'R - November Rain

Falling In Love: Abba - The Winner Takes it All

Fight Song: Eagle Eye Cherry - Save Tonight

Breaking Up: Newton Faulkner - Feels Like Home

Prom: Chris Pierce - You Are Beautiful (aw)

Life's Just...: Stereophonis - Have a nice day

Mental Breakdown: Tracy Chapman - Time after Time

Driving: The Verve - The Drugs don't work

Flashback: Soul Asylum - Runaway Train

Getting Back Together: Elvis - Don't Be Cruel

Birth Of Child: Michael Jackson - Billy Jean - ahhaha

Wedding: The Mighty Stef - Waitin' around to die....

Finale Battle: Aretha Franklin - Tracks of my tears

Death Scene: The Kinks - My Sherona .... what the blazes?!?!

Funeral Song: Destiny's Child - Emotions

End Credits: Eddie Vedder - Tuolumne

Date: 2009-04-14 17:28 Subject: Icing on the cake Security: Public Mood: depressed Tags: dad, dying, hospital, personal, sad, stroke

Turns out my dad has had a stroke now too.

Bloody hell.

Date: 2009-04-13 10:26 Subject: Déja Vú Security: Public Mood: moody Tags: dad, dying, hospital, personal, sad

We're here again.

My dad's been in hospital since Saturday morning at 2am. They put him on the ventilator at about 6am and spoke to us at about 830am telling us that things are not good. Seemingly they can only give him one chance to come off the ventilator - they can't put him back on it if his lungs fail to kick-start. They told us that if we think we've been here before that we would be wrong, that this time is much worse. They don't think he will make it.

They told us that between Saturday and today, monday, that they would try to remove the tube and see if it will work.

Benedict the nurse was there and told us that dad isn't doing too badly all considering. This gave myself and John a little hope - we both raelly like and respect Benedict, a nicer man you would never meet.

Today Doctor O'Shea told us that they think there might be either stroke or brain damage. They want to scan his brain to check for damage before proceeding but told us again that his chances are not good. His chances are slim and none.
I asked how the results of the scan would affect their treatment and essentially, not their words but mine, if he has no brain or stroke damage they will proceed carefully because there is a snowball's chance in hell he might come through it. If there is stroke or brain damage he hasn't even got that snowball's chance so they would, essentially, be just pulling the plug on him.

I feel quite distant from everything. I'm moody and snarky and I don't want to be around anyone. I would rather be working than being at home but I know I can't be working instead of being at home. It's that feeling of knowing you are holding onto sanity again - that if you let your guard down just a little bit that you'd snap into some kind of emotional trainwreck.

Life feels pretty pointless, unpleasant and superfluous when on the cusp of losing your last parent, folks.

Date: 2009-02-08 12:21 Subject: Meme Security: Public Tags: meme, music

If your life was a movie, what would the soundtrack be?
So, here's how it works:
1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod etc.)
2. Put in on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next botton
6. Don't lie and try to pretend you're cool

Tags anyone who wants to do it!:)

Waking Up:  Howie Day - Colide

First Day At School:  Boyz II Men - Mama

Falling In Love:  Elvis Presely - In the Ghetto... what?

Fight Song:  Billy Joel - Piano Man

Breaking Up:  Newton Faulkner - People should smile more

Prom:  Alan Jackson - Remember When

Life's Just...:  Joseph Arthur - You're so true

Mental Breakdown:  Lifehouse - You belong to me

Driving: Lifehouse - Somebody Else's Song

Flashback:  Soul Asylum - Runaway Train

Getting Back Together:  James Blunt - You're Beautiful

Birth Of Child:  Boyz II Men - One Sweet Day

Wedding:  Alanis Morrisette - Not the Doctor - heh

Finale Battle:  Alanis again - You Learn

Death Scene:   Bob Marley - I can see clearly now (hahahaha)

Funeral Song: Hold the Ice - Hans Zimmer (King Arthur soundtrack - lovely piece)

End Credits:  Alison Krauss - Restless

Date: 2009-02-08 02:53 Subject: So similar Security: Public Mood: worried Tags: da, ma, personal

So similar...

Getting progressively worse but not wanting to admit it.

Called doctor to the house.

The SAME doctor.

I wasn't at home for the start.

Irrationally upset in work.

Crying in work.

Needing to use the camode before the ambulance arrives.

I had to call the ambulance.

Paramedics telling us to step out of the way and wait inside etc.

In A&E for a while then moved to ICU.

SAME FUCKING CORNER IN ICU!

Sitting in that stupid little waiting room for hours.

Sent home.



I swear to God... if we get a phone call tomorrow at 8am I am filing a formal complaint against the gods of sick irony and painful coincidence.

Date: 2009-02-05 00:29 Subject: Somewhere in between Security: Public Location: bed Mood: tired Tags: da, personal, tired

I'm so very tired of all this. 

Dad has been sick for weeks.  No energy.  Not looking after himself, even less than before.  Choking cough.  Not getting up until late in the evening and not sleeping at night.  My brother called the doctor to the house today and it was the same doctor that came out to see my mam that fateful friday.  When she was told she had to go into hospital.  When he made a really mean comment to her that I will never ever forgive him for.  That very same doctor that I raelly despised.  In my house.  Again.  

I got home and he was there.  I tried not to interact but I had to say something.  I asked him for a private word and told him that I think my dad is depressed.  He wasn't surprised and said "If I was in as bad a state of health as he is at his age I would be depressed too."  I resisted the urge to slap his pin-head over this because if he KNEW my dad was depressed why, in all these many many years, had he not treated him for it? 
Anyways - I said nothing, just explained why I thought he needed treatment for it.  He didn't argue.  My dad did.  He doesn't believe in depression you see.

Doc prescribed some anti-depressants which i know my dad either wont take or will claim make him worse or something silly like that.  As far as he is concerned he just needs to get his breathing back to normal (a quiet wheeze) and he will be able to take care of himself again.  As if he had been doing so the past 3 years since his stroke.  

Doc left at 8pm.  Dad was in ambulance on his way to hospital by 11pm.  It is now 12:30 and I am just home from the hospital, tired, - headachey, but over all just very, very tired.  


SOMEWHERE IN BETWEEN - LIFEHOUSE

I can't be losing sleep over this, no, I can't
Now I cannot stop pacing
Give me a few hours and I'll have this all sorted out
If my mind would just stop racing

'Cause I cannot stand still
I can't be this unsturdy
This cannot be happening

This is over my head but underneath my feet
'Cause by tomorrow morning I'll have this thing beat
And everything will be back to the way that it was
I wish that it was just that easy

'Cause I'm waiting for tonight
Then waiting for tomorrow
And I'm somewhere in between
What is real and just a dream...
What is real and just a dream...
What is real and just a dream...

Would you catch me if I fall out of what I fell in
Don't be surprised if I collapse down at your feet again
I don't want to run away from this
I know that I just don't need this

'Cause I cannot stand still
I can't be this unsturdy
This cannot be happening

'Cause I'm waiting for tonight
Then waiting for tomorrow
And I'm somewhere in between
What is real and just a dream...
What is real and just a dream...
What is real and just a dream...
What is real and just a dream...

Date: 2008-08-08 21:59 Subject: MeMe Music Security: Public Tags: meme, music

If your life was a movie, what would the soundtrack be?
So, here's how it works:
1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod etc.)
2. Put in on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next botton
6. Don't lie and try to pretend you're cool

Tags anyone who wants to do it!:)

Waking Up:  Halo - Texas

First Day At School:  Crazy World - Aslan

Falling In Love: Dreams - The Cranberries

Fight Song:  Fast Car - Tracy Chapman

Breaking Up: The Scientist - Coldplay

Prom:  When you are a King - White Plains (wtf?)

Life's Just...:  Summer of '69 - Bryan Adams

Mental Breakdown: Thank you for the days - Kirsty McColl - LOL! demented

Driving: Never Know - Jack Johnson

Flashback: Who wants to live forever? -  Queen

Getting Back Together: Come pick me up - Ryan Adams

Birth Of Child:  Winter Light - Tim Finn

Wedding: Sail Away - Enya & Kate Bush

Finale Battle: How to save a life - the Fray

Death Scene:   Bed of Roses - Bon Jovi

Funeral Song: She Will be Loved - Maroon 5

End Credits:  Last Request - Paolo Nuitini

Date: 2008-05-16 21:16 Subject: Where have I been?! Security: Public Tags: excuse, life, personal

One of these fine days I will come crawling back to LiveJournal because I desperately want to share ... something... with someone.  Right now I just can't find the wherewithal to actually keep this thing updated.  I will have some graphics to share, no doubt.  My Twilight Obsession will see me making, making MAKING graphics that I want to share share share.  But right now I want to hold them to my chest and snarl at anyone who looks edgeways at them.

There is one thing I do want to do that I would share immediately .. *goes to work*

So sorry to people who feel neglected on here.  I am still lurking about the place - honest.  *loves and hugs*

Date: 2008-02-11 13:20 Subject: Three stones Security: Public Location: kitchen Mood: blah Tags: three stones

Still around guys.  Rather busy.  If you are looking for me best to send an email -

When we were younger and in our prime
We never wondered if we had enough time
When every day was not like the last
And now it seems like those years have passed

[...]

No one could see your problems
You'd never let them show
So when you heard that voice
Coming through the window
The earth was calling your name
[...]
Why did you have to follow?
And now I carry you like a stone
In my pocket

We were the best of friends
And now I'm all that remains
Do you remember
When our dreams were brighter
And not just something to settle on?

[...]
I got three stones
In my pocket
And they're dragging me down
Dragging me, and they're dragging me down

Date: 2008-02-03 00:20 Subject: Music Meme Security: Public Mood: bored Tags: meme, music

If your life was a movie, what would the soundtrack be?
So, here's how it works:
1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod etc.)
2. Put in on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next botton
6. Don't lie and try to pretend you're cool

Tags anyone who wants to do it!:)

Waking Up: "Solitude" - Evanescence

First Day At School: "Pirelli's Miracle Elixir" - Sweeney Todd OST - huh?

Falling In Love: "Better Together" - Jack Johnson

Fight Song: "Crying" - Aerosmith

Breaking Up: "Iris" - Goo Goo Dolls

Prom: "Guitar Song" - Texas

Life's Just...: "The day we caught the train" - Ocean Color Scene - WOO!

Mental Breakdown: "White Flag" - Dido

Driving: "You keep it all in" - The Beautiful South

Flashback: "End of the Road" - Eddie Vedder, Into the Wild OST

Getting Back Together: "These Arms of Mine" - Otis Reading :X

Birth Of Child: "I'm not aware of too many things" - Lisa Loeb

Wedding: "Cheers Darlin'" - Damien Rice (God I hope not - )

Finale Battle: "You aughta know" - Alanis Morissette

Death Scene: "Time to say goodbye" -  Andrea Bocelli & Sarah Brightman ... I am not kidding.

Funeral Song: "Dont look back in anger" - Oasis

End Credits: "What we once had" - Perishers

Date: 2008-01-29 23:25 Subject: Graphics Dump Security: Public Location: Bed Mood: lethargic Music: The Beautiful South - Woman in the Wall Tags: banners, bsg, daniel craig, dublin, gaspard ulliel, icons, sweeney todd, tobias menzies, twilight

Icons to be had --

Preview:

   

3 Twilight-Centric headers.  Competition entries.  Failed miserably.  Heh.

Date: 2008-01-20 02:56 Subject: Hiatus! Security: Public Tags: hiatus, madeira, personal

GONE for a week.

Funchal, Madeira, I hope you are ready for me.

Talk to you guys next sunday!

Date: 2008-01-17 23:58 Subject: Song Meme - just cause it's easy Security: Public Tags: meme, music

If your life was a movie, what would the soundtrack be?
So, here's how it works:
1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod etc.)
2. Put in on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next botton
6. Don't lie and try to pretend you're cool

Tags anyone who wants to do it!:)

Waking Up: "Drops of Jupiter" - Train

First Day At School: "I'm in Chains" - Tina Arena

Falling In Love: "Song for whoever" - The Beautiful South - hehehe

Fight Song: "Hand in my pocket" - Alanis Morrissette

Breaking Up: "Bridge over troubled waters" - Simon & Garfunkel

Prom: "Iris" - Goo Goo Dolls

Life's Just...: "Love will keep us alive" - The Eagles

Mental Breakdown: "You keep it all in" - The Beautiful South - heh, very apt

Driving: "Head over feet" - Alanis again.. and ouch!

Flashback: "4 Seasons of loneliness" - Boyz II Men

Getting Back Together: "Funky Town" - Lipps Inc.... uhm.. ok.  I'm fine with that.

Birth Of Child: "Simon" - Lifehouse

Wedding: "City of Blinding Lights" - U2

Finale Battle: "Worried Eyes" - Eagle Eye Cherry. hmmm

Death Scene: "You Learn" - Alanis, AGAIN.  And that is hardly appropriate!

Funeral Song: "Three Stones" - Boondock Saints -

End Credits: "Delicate" - Damien Rice

Date: 2008-01-12 00:50 Subject: Multi Media Drop Security: Public Mood: indescribable Tags: animals, banners, dogs, france, gaspard ulliel, icons, scenery, wallpapers

Multi-Media drop!

 

 

 

 

Date: 2007-12-19 11:37 Subject: oops Security: Public Music: The Eels - Need some sleep Tags: blunders, friends

Yes - in an effort to de-friend one person I accidentally defriended everyone. Heh -- stupid me eh? Well I friended you all back so if/when you get the e-mail notification you can snicker at my expense and ignore it. Cheers thanks bye!

PS: I will be posting icons and graphics sometime soon... watch this space. Not that close, you'll get smudges on your monitor

Date: 2007-11-20 03:07 Subject: Icons x 94 Security: Public Mood: tired Tags: bsg, gaspard ulliel, gladiator, icons, painted veil, stargate, the other bolyen girl, tobias

94 Icons

1-12 Gladiator
13-22 The Other Boleyn Girl
23-41 Gaspard Ulliel
42-43 Tobias Menzies
44-49 The Painted Veil
50-67 Battlestar Galactica (Thrace-centric)
68-94 Stargate SG1 - (1969 majoritly)

--*-- Creditting is optional. Commenting is loved. Using as bases is humbling. --*--



( Icons are all here )

Date: 2007-11-15 20:23 Subject: Gaspard Ulliel Icons Security: Public Mood: creative Tags: gaspard ulliel, icons

Some icons of Gaspard Ulliel
I do have more icons to share but still working on a few.

20 icons -

All for the taking.
Comment, Credit and enjoy at your leisure.



Previews:



( For any spirit to haunt )

Date: 2007-11-14 20:10 Subject: Soundtrack meme Security: Public Mood: bored Tags: meme, music

Totally snagged from Darya01

If your life was a movie, what would the soundtrack be?
So, here's how it works:
1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod etc.)
2. Put in on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next botton
6. Don't lie and try to pretend you're cool

Tags anyone who wants to do it!:)

Waking Up:  The Town I love so well - Paddy Reilly

First Day At School:  First time Ever I saw your face - Easther Bennett

Falling In Love:  Why do fools fall in love - Frankie Lyman - LOL! I kid you not

Fight Song:  Rome Theme - heh nice

Breaking Up: When love comes to town - U2 ...

Prom: The Saga Begins - Weird Al - hahahaha!

Life's Just...:  The Sidewinder sleeps tonight - REM

Mental Breakdown:  Everybody Hurts - REM - *sniff*

Driving:  Fits ya good - Bryan Adams

Flashback:  Amie - Damien Rice

Getting Back Together:  I dont wanna talk about it - Rod Stewart

Birth Of Child: In the Middle of the Night - Billy Joel - heh, time of day for births eh?

Wedding:  Banana Pancakes - Jack Johnson - how cute!

Finale Battle:  Forgive Me - Evanescence ... huh?

Death Scene: Tears in Heaven - Eric Clapton - oh noes!

Funeral Song:  White Flag - Dido

End Credits:  Out of Reach - Gabrielle

Date: 2007-11-09 19:20 Subject: Me Meme Security: Public Mood: sad Tags: meme

Yoinked from </a></b></a>gi_jules
Use the first letter of your name to answer each of the following. They have to be real places, names, and things. You CAN'T use your name for the boy/girl name. Nothing made up!

Your name: Lynn
Four words:  Love, Loser, Laces, Lash
State/country: Latvia
Boy Name: Leroy (oh god)
Girl Name: Leticia
Occupation: Lap Dancer?
Something you can wear: Low cut top :D
Something found in a kitchen: Light
Something you shout: LATE!
Something you do at school: Levitate (Hogwarts, hello?)
Name of an animal: Lamb
Name of a Drink: L.... L.... lemon juice
Name a Holiday:  Labour Day!
Name a body part: Leg


Whew that was hard